The Past is Behind Us Now

When I went back to my hometown early this year, I had this misunderstanding with a good friend which led to total devoid of communication. We both had our share of mistakes and neither of us would give way. I, for sure, was very certain that I am okay not having her around. I was complacent about myself, and I know that it would not bother me at all.

She was like a sister to me. During one of her downfalls, I would normally spend all my time with her because I could not bear the thought of letting her take the fall for making poor choices in life. In my heart, I just feel like she's my responsibility. I assumed it because I was the only person who knew her misdemeanor back then and if I allow her, she might suffer the consequences that she never even thought of happening. I missed a lot of moments with my other friends because I thought she needed me more than anyone else. I just had to be there for her.

It was not a short-term ordeal. It took her months to finally realize that losing her career and family is not worth a guy who gives her so much attention she needed. I was pissed at her millions of times but I could not stay pissed for a long time because she was just lost and I kept believing I could do something about it. Until one day, due to constant reminders and arguments, she finally took my word to back off from the other guy. I am glad she listened. However, the misery did not end there. I still had to be around for there will still be a lot of crying, anger and no one knows what else!

I had to leave the country to work abroad. One of my draw backs was leaving her behind. But then, I trust her. I believe that she's mature enough to get through whatever she was facing. On the other hand, my persistence of helping her did not cease. I kept calling and texting when I got here in Brunei. I followed up everything that is happening in her life. And when I believe that it was finally over with the other guy, I laid low. I got busy and it was so taxing to find time to keep in touch with my friends, including her.

I just got shocked when I came home last January 2012, she was involved with another guy. That's where the misunderstanding took place. She kept a lot from me and because I came home a different person with different views, I did not have the stomach to talk to her again. Instead, I talked to the girlfriend of the other guy and found the answers I needed and I got even angrier.

I came back to Brunei leaving the issue unresolved. We tried to talk about it but like I said, I was a different person. I was meaner and close-minded. It did not do us any good. We then had a lot of time to think about things again, we talked. It was that time when I told her that I got all the information from the girlfriend of the other guy. She felt betrayed and she never wanted to talk to me again. She quit, and I did too.

We've been through a lot and the damages we have done to each other can't be easily fixed. But maybe we owe it to each other to give this friendship a chance. I miss my friend and the only way to stop missing her is to forgive her and on my end, apologize. We just came to a point where we realized that it's easier to forgive than to hold grudges and yes, we both gained more when we decided to talk to each other again and put the past behind us. FINALLY, WE ARE FRIENDS AGAIN.

On my side of the bargain, maybe it is meant to teach me a lot of things. Maybe it is meant to teach me to never question the power of friendship again. Thank you, Doc Jen, for giving me a proof that friendship is indeed, REAL.

Hart of Dixie is about an enthusiastic Cardio-Thoracic surgeon, Dr. Zoe Hart, who never cares about her patients. She just gets the job done and after which, she never remembers her patients again. Due to her lack of empathy, she was deprived of the chance to a fellowship unless she takes a year off from her training to learn being a GP. She then decided to stay in Blubell to have be a GP and there she learned the very essence of being a doctor and that is to get involved with patients.

Fairly Legal is a Legal Drama/ Comedy. The plot focuses on Kate Reed, a Mediator who tries to avoid getting her clients into trial. I love the personality of Kate Reed especially when she displays her conviction towards what is RIGHT. On the other hand, she also has her flaws. She is recovering from a recent divorce she and her ex-husband are still trying to mend things between them. She also had difficulty pleasing other people especially when it does not side to the truth--which is the right thing to do, I say.

Hart of Dixie and Fairly Legal are starred by two women with strong personality. Isn't it inspiring to us, women? Both Kate and Zoe remind us that we should be capable of standing up for ourselves and not just depend on others. :)

Disclaimer: I do not own the pictures. Credits to the owner.

The Walking Dead

I never actually thought I would have the stomach to watch this kind of series. It's about zombies taking over the place succeeding the apocalypse. There has been an infection that spread throughout the country and up to now, there has been no cure and it just keeps spreading. The story focuses on a group who are trying to fight their way to survival. They may have failed on being humane, but it's just their way to protect their loved ones. The evolution of the characters will really let you think twice about everything! Now their on hiatus as Season 3 will start on October. This is a brilliant series, though it gives me nightmares at night!

Disclaimer: I do not own the photo. Credits to the owner.  

Suits

 

The latest series I have been watching is Suits. This time, I am completely devoid from the medical field. This TV series elaborates more on Law and the lives of lawyers in a firm and in their everyday lives. I enjoyed it pretty much especially when I get cross the charm of Harvey Spector that is beyond colloquy and despite the fact that Mike Ross continues to break Rachel's heart everyday! Looking forward to more episodes!

Disclaimer: I do not own the photo. Credits to the owner.

Boxer + Clover

You will let go of me, too.

“The human voice can never reach the distance that is covered by the still small voice of conscience.”

--Mahatma Ghandi

Sleep. Don't Weep.

What do I do when  I miss someone? I sleep, I don't weep. This is me, coping. 

"Where there's anger, there is always pain underneath."

 --Eckhart Tolle

Facebook and Profession

Of all the generations, I really applaud the most those who came from an age where Facebook was not invented. This came into mind when I've been currently active being online on Facebook, coming across annoying post of some people. Is it just me, or they're just really irritating?

I have known a few great people from older generations. Doctors, Lawyers, Nurses. Too bad, they weren't given the chance to post their first intubation, or be proud about reading very thick law books, or flaunt about how many patients they've handled by themselves? I feel so sorry for them because if only Facebook knows how great they are, they would have more acknowledged.

Maybe I am wrong. Maybe it's not because of Facebook. Maybe it's just the people who want to broadcast everything. Those people I know, from older generations have their account on Facebook now. How come I never saw them boast about their success? I have patiently been waiting for their status to change, saying "I diagnosed a rare disease!" or "I sent a criminal to prison!" or "I have inserted an IV catheter on a severely dehydrated patient!" Maybe because these people know that they are admirable at their job and they don't need many "likes or comments" to confirm so.

I do post on my status about what I do, but as you can see, it's far from flaunting. It's either I am gratified with my job, or I want the person to see how much I hate him/her in my workplace, or something/someone made me laugh that day. I DO NOT VIOLATE THE CONFIDENTIALITY OF MY PATIENTS.

This does not apply to everyone. Just for some who really bug me. I am not harsh, I just feel for my friends whose skills were not seen by the public because they don't post it. These people, I believe, are people with substance, who don't need to feel good about themselves because their being a blessing to other is what's making them feel good.


Disclaimer: I do not own the photo. Credits to the owner. 

I am a tooth lesser.

I went to the dentist this morning to have my 2nd wisdom tooth extracted for it has been pestering me on numerous occasions. Sadly, I had to learn something the hard way. Alcohol and Lidocaine don't mix! I had too much to drink the night before my extraction with my siblings. When I went to the dentist, LA was taking effect, or maybe I thought it did. However, when the extraction started, I can still feel pain. I mean, I felt all of it! Good thing, though, the dentist was quick and that the pain did not linger anymore.

Now I know how drunken patients feel when they are being sutured and the LA is not working! 

"For every good reason there is to lie, there is a better reason to tell the truth."

--Bo Bennett

"Tomorrow, you promise yourself, will be different, yet, tomorrow is too often a repetition of today."

--James T. McKay

Happy Birthday!

Today is no different from yesterday. I woke up and realized it's a new day. But I got a lot of posts on my wall from people whose greetings are so overwhelming and I had a good laugh while spending time with my family and friends today. Maybe today is just another day, but unlike the other days, I will consider this day as one of the best times of my life. A million thanks to everyone who has been a part of this day.

...and of course, Thank You, Lord. :)

To The Friends I Have Lost

The last thing I want to do in my life is to count the number of friends I have lost. But it seems to me that it is happening now. I lost friends whom I never thought of losing. I failed to posses the kind of friend that they need during trying times. I took the easier way out. I gave up on them too easily. I also lost friends because I was too busy with my life. I entertained unnecessary events that caused me to have no time for precious people. They have reached out a lot but some of them came to a point of exhaustion. Only then did I come to think that even the closest friends that we have can be taken away from us. I guess it's just one of life's unpredictability.

I am convinced that the world can sometimes be very depleting. I, for most times fall short into life's expectancy. I have not perfected the ultimate point of endurance. I bungle on several disputes and I have lost a lot of treasured people. I wish I could defy life's pressures so I could focus more on delighting the people around me. But I guess it will never work that way. Life will always get even disagreeable as long I live. I can't blame life for the friends that I have been careless of. I just blame the choices I have made in bartering with it.

The only thing I have now, are memories. Those are the few moments that reminded me that life can also be rainbows and butterflies. On the other hand, I just want to hide it somewhere safe, for as much as I love those memories, now, they are just reminders of how a failure I am for allowing the people who made those memories perish. I just don't want to relive them. It's just bringing back the pain because I know it won't happen anymore.

I am sorry for the friends that I have dispossessed and if I only have the power to bring them all back, I would not think twice. That, however, is not going to happen. All I can do now is to just honor the friends that I have left. I will spend every minute making sure that they are appreciated and cherished. Yet, I am ready if someday, life will again get in the way and take some of them.

I just have one request though...there is this one friend that I don't want to lose. Just this one friend. I promise to fight for this friendship until the last battle. I pray that there'd be nothing unpleasant that will happen between us. I am not ready to lose this one. Not yet.

Disclaimer: I do not own the photo. Credits to the owner.

Labels vs Assumptions

I have always been a believer that labels are requisites. In a hospital, we put identifications on all the medications so we don't get confused. We put name tags on our patients to be certain that we are treating the right one. When we are driving, we see a lot of labels telling us where to go. When we own something, we put our name on it so that others will not take it from us without our permission. The same philosophy applies when it comes to relationships.

I am very vocal about how significant a person is to me. I tell them what I feel, I label them. It's just my way of saying, "Hey, you matter! Anything you do or have to say to me, matters!" But, I am not sure if I have been clear to everybody. Maybe some of them are still wondering. Still, I do everything in my power to manifest it to them. I know exactly how it feels to be left without a paper trail.

I hate assumptions. I don't want to think that I am exceptional to somebody when in the end, it was just me thinking that way. I would trade anything just to know if I have the right to participate into their lives. I am assured that almost everyone would consent with me. Everybody wants to be sure about their stand to someone . So as a respect to them, we tell them what they are to us.

So, whether it's Paracetamol, Ibuprofen, Penicillin or North, South, East, West, or BFFs (bestfriends forever), to BFs (boyfriend) and EFLs (enemies for life), LABELS let us know what things are. They bring us to the right track. ASSUMPTIONS confuse us. They mislead us. Not knowing what my role to someone is the root of my discouragement. I hate insisting myself to those who don't even have the audacity to acknowledge the kind of person I am to them. If anyone cares about someone's feelings at all, they would not hesitate to ask your permission to label you as their own.

The Untimely Death of Lexie Grey

May 10, 2007 when a likeable character entered the limelight of my favorite medical drama called "Grey's Anatomy." Dr. Lexie Grey, an aspiring surgical intern who chose Seattle Grace to work so she could find answers for the death of her mom, who happened to just die with hiccups as her primary symptom. I can practically remember her first scene when she was sitting in a bar, alone, where she also met Dr. Derek Shepherd, whose relationship with Meredith Grey, Lexie's half sister was still on the rocks. She then appeared in the intern's locker room, where she met Dr. George O' Mally who later on became his best friend and fell in love with him, but never really got the chance to be with him. As a result of being hurt, she met Dr. Mark Sloan, who became the love of her life. Just like any other love story, theirs was not perfect. They had a lot of things to deal with, met people who got involved with them and faced a lot of truth that are so hard to handle. Lexie Grey's potential was never an issue. She had a photographic memory which made her on top of her game. She rose above other interns and even attendings and residents admired her brain and skills.

I couldn't think of any reason why I would not like Lexie. She is just a perfect picture of any of us. Someone who struggles in life, in love and in career. She's weak but optimistic. Even Meredith who had difficulty letting people in loved her and accepted Lexie as her sister. Mark Sloan, a man who doesn't stick to a serious relationship believed that they are meant for each other. That's who Lexie is. I was glad that she became a part of Grey's Anatomy. I envisioned  her being my friend, just like some of the characters in a TV series that I love. I get attached. I get involved. That is why when I watched the season ender of GA season 8, I can't explain this bleakness I feel. Lexie died when their plane crashed on the way to a hospital where their skills were required. Preceding her death, Mark Sloan confessed his love for Lexie. I feel excessively terrible. All I want is for Lexie and Sloan to be together! Is it mean if I want Sloan to die in that plane crash, too? This is what I want the story to be next season. I want Mark Sloan to die so they could be together, now. Lexie's death will not be for nothing.

I have been with GA for almost 8 years now and almost 5 years with Lexie. In my heart, nothing can replace the character of Lexie. The same thing with Dr. Izzie Stevens and Dr. George O' Mally. I have loved them and I can't explain how much loss I felt when they were gone. Season 8 has been one of the most traumatic cliff hangers I have watched. I don't know what awaits for me and GA without Lexie. I feel like losing a friend. It's unbearable. I will get over this, but not yet. I will grieve for the loss of Lexie because I will miss her beyond words.


Disclaimer: I do not own the photo. Credits to the owner. 

So Long, House.

I can't believe that I'll be saying goodbye to one of my favorite medical dramas. Well, you can never be certain about anything, can you? I will take a week to also grieve for the farewell of House MD.


Disclaimer: I do not own the photo. Credits to the owner.  

"The question that sometimes drives me hazy: Am I, or the others crazy?"

--Albert Einstein

Goodbye, Prentiss.

"I've always heard every ending is also a new beginning, we just don't know it at the time, I'd like to believe that's true."

--Emily Prentiss

"In order for the light to shine so brightly, the darkness must be present." 

--Francis Bacon

Royal Pains

If you prefer watching a feel-good TV series and at the same time learn about lofty-sounding medical terms, this should be your series of choice. It's a medical-drama/comedy where too much emotions are not necessary.

Disclaimer: I do not own the picture. Credits to the owner.

"Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." --Plato

Moving on is MANDATORY

No one is exempted from pain. As humans, we are all capable of feeling, of hurting. These are just the few processes that every human being would go through. It's human nature. Most people would have different start, but as long as feeling, loving, hurting, letting go are involved, I am intensely affirmative that it should all end up in one thing--Moving on.

What kind of a person who is capable of feeling but not capable of getting over that feeling? If you settled for something like this, make sure you know the end part when things don't come your way. Don't blindly enter into a situation where all you can see are roses and not the thorns. You are in this planet called Earth, thus you have to know what's in it...All of it, not just the beautiful part.

On the other hand, it really doesn't have to come right away, for there will be hindrances in doing so. Who ever says it's a piece of cake, did not actually experience holding on to a favorite pen running out of ink. If you did, you do realize how hard it is to find a new replacement for that pen, thinking, will there still be one that's better? It never comes easy, that is why, when you're bound to no choice, where will you resort yourself? --To finding a new pen of course! Why would you use an empty pen when you want to write the best stories on your paper? Similarly, in life, why would you settle for someone who doesn't make you feel complete anymore?

Holding on to one thing you can't have is paralyzing. Hope can sometimes be paralyzing. If you don't want to see life pass by right before your eyes, you have to start living. You have to realize that your life doesn't depend on that one person. You can still be happy with the presence of other people who don't cease doing what's best for you...and if your lucky, you get to meet that person who will be with you for the rest of your life. So put the past behind you, seize the day, and live. For in everything, you can have a lot of excuses, but in moving on, there is NONE.


Disclaimer: I do not own the photo. Credits to the owner. 

"I put you in a tiny box. I made you petty and inconsequential and nothing special so that you could fit into this tiny, little box that would help me get out of bed in the morning."

"The bitterest  tears   shed   over  graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone."

--Harriet Beecher Stowe

A Gifted Man

A supernatural medical drama about a neuro-surgeon who happens to be seeing his dead ex-wife. It has a unique transformation of a hot-shot, high class surgeon from someone who is used to treating wealthy patients to becoming one of the doctors in a pro-bono clinic. I have been following this series since day one but much to my disappointment, it has been cancelled.

Disclaimer: I do not own the picture. Credits to the owner.

Dr. Spencer Reid

This is calm and it's Doctor.

Suddenly, he became the person I wanted to marry! :)








Disclaimer: I do not own the picture. Credits to the owner.

Supervisory Special Agent Jennifer Jareau

I'm thankful for my years spent with everyone, for everything we shared, every chance we had to grow. I'll take the best of them with me and lead by their example wherever I go. A friend told me to be honest with you, so here it goes: this isn't what I want, but I'll take the high road. Maybe it's because I look at everything as a lesson or because I don't want to walk around angry. Or maybe it's because I finally understand. There are things we don't want to happen but have to accept; things we don't want to know but have to learn; and people we can't live without but have to let go. --JJ


Disclaimer: I do not own the picture. Credits to the owner.

Someone's Back... Really, is he?

I don't know  if I'll be happy or I'll be anxious. He's back and he wanted to start over. I guess it all depends on me whether I still want to. However, you can never take away the fear from someone who have loved and lost.

I met him when I was in 4th year college. He was from a dissolved section and he was transferred to my section along with some of his classmates. We were never friends. I was never his type, and he wasn't my type, either. But I guess everything can just happen. It all started when we were sent to Sagay to have our rotation. It was just for a week, but it opened a lot of windows for confusion and hope. I was just being me, when suddenly, he wasn't being himself. I can still recall the way he would call me for dinner and lecture me when I don't get a lot of rest. It made me wonder... A LOT!

We became friends and never a day goes by without talking to each other. I was young, and potentially in love, with him. During that time, he never failed me. He was the ideal guy every girl wanted. He looked after me, brought me home safely, and he always asked about how my day has been. He was a good guy and as a girl, who never falls for a good guy? The feeling I had for him was overwhelming. So much that I did not even think that it might end. I thought we were okay, so I never thought of losing him. I just did.

Late afternoon, during our NCM class, I saw him went out of the room. I thought it was just nothing, but I had a strange feeling, an instinct. Instincts, for women should not be neglected because they really serve us well. The night of the same day, he did not text me. So I had to text him first, to check if he was okay. I got no reply. Later did I know from a common friend that he left class, and went to his ex's house because she was sick! The next day, he approached me and told me that his ex, wants him back. And because he was guilty for leaving her before, he wants to give it another chance. So where does that leave me? I don't know. The next thing I knew, graduation was over and we never saw each other anymore but we were still friends.

not until...

February 14, 2012: I got a valentine message on Facebook from him. I thought it was just for everyone so I neglected it.

February 19, 2012: I was awakened by a phone call on my international number. It's him! He said he just wanted to say "Hi!" I can't believe he spent a lot just to talk to me. I mean, what is he up to? That instance was the start of another opportunity for us to catch up again. To be honest, he makes me happy, AGAIN! 

The next days were amazing, but it led me to question, will this time be different? I guess no one can answer that. Not even him. He just told me he wants to be back to my life again. What I shall do now, is to just enjoy what we have now. I haven't come to think that this is real. That is why I haven't told any of my closest friends, yet. I have not let my guards down, and he knows that. What I have been through with him was painful and I do not want to get through that again. At least he respects that I deserve all the time I need to let him in again. 

I am not certain where this will lead us, or if it's even going somewhere. All I am sure is that I am happy and thankful for the moment that I have now. I just hope it never disappears. 

Disclaimer: I do not own the photo. Credits to the owner.  

The Best Blocker

I spent 4 hours making this collage!

Credits to the following for the photos:

Tin Pe Benito

Leslie Sy

Joseph Nebrida

Breathe Me

Revenge

Add this to my collection of TV series. The flow of the story is very captivating that you would not want to miss another episode.


Disclaimer: I do not own the picture. Credits to the owner.

Lessons in Kindergarten

I did not realize how crucial kindergarten is. I thought it was just the educators way of warming up children to be ready when real school begins. All the while, I thought it was just about playing and at the same time, learning. What I did not know, is that, kindergarten is the very foundation of every human being. This is where everything started. It prepared me into a lot of situations that I have dealt with in my entire existence.

The Lessons:

The Early Morning Rise:
The 6:00am-alarm would normally indicate that my day is about to start. Even when I was little, I was never a morning person, so I would reluctantly rise from bed every morning. Until I got used to waking up early and for the entire 16 years of being in school, and 5 years being on the job, waking up early was not that difficult to do anymore.

The Greetings:
Hello, Hi, Good morning, Good afternoon, Good evening!--these are just the few phrases we say to everyone we meet in kindergarten. Who would have thought that these statements will reveal the kind of persons we are? If you got used to saying these, people will see you as a polite and respectful person. Giving them an optimistic view about you. Manners, they say.

The Interactions:
Part of our school activity is to talk to your classmates about anything and everything under the sun. It's one way to promote friendship and communication. As we grow up, interaction with people makes us heard and felt. We recite in class to speak our minds, to voice out our emotions. If we were never taught to interact with someone, how are we going to survive for a day?

The Long Lines:
The long lines taught me patience. In order to get something that you want, you have to wait for it and work hard for in. Just like in kindergarten, if you need to buy food, or get your report cards, you have to fall in line. Maybe it's one of the few things that made me being still graceful during PRC processing, paying bills, watching a concert, and getting my salary...I got used to being in the long lines.

The Goodbyes:
This is my favorite lesson, the goodbyes. Before the day ends, our teacher would ask us to say goodbye to our classmates and to the teachers. It was part of our daily routine. When I got older, I am not surprised to farewells. I was taught when I was in kindergarten! For every Hi's and Hellos, Goodbyes will always come in the process. You say Hi, knowing that you will say goodbye soon. This is why I don't dwell too much on the pains of goodbyes, because even in kindergarten, it was en-rooted in me.

I could just be grateful for kindergarten. It was the commencement of preparation toward real-life situations and the very blueprint of every person whose aim in life is to survive.


Disclaimer: I do not own the photo. Credits to the owner.  

GA and CM / CM and GA

These 2 series have been my favorite among all the TV series I have ever watched. I can't rank which one is number one and two. One can't outweigh the other because they are both mean equally to me. I can't even describe how I think about these series. I just know that I am so emotionally attached to these two.


Disclaimer: I do not own the picture. Credits to the owner.