ABANDONING THE WALLS

Bright minds actually believed that it takes ample time to substantiate relationship with anybody who was never destined to be a part of your life, but happened to be. I lived up to this belief to armor myself from being involved with the people whom I know will eventually depart to embrace one’s fate…until suddenly, a leap of faith came rushing in and made me conclude otherwise. I met new friends (APAT DAPAT) and I felt so at ease in the littlest span of time. I, who have just been currently relocated and sundered from the people whom I was emotionally attached with (ER friends), can dauntlessly prove them wrong.

Life has a way of cutting us into pieces and could torment us in puzzling up the portions again. It was never unusual to us because that’s just the way it is. Life, they say is unfair, we all know that. However, formidable situations are made easier if we have company. Experiences are fun and the stories are endless when they are around. Thus, people are better than no people at all—this, I learned recently.

My discernment in life has turned 360 degrees. I learned to adjust in an estranged place and met new colleagues. Furthermore, what made it more exciting is that, they are more than just co-workers; instantly they became my friends whom I consistently laugh, and get scolded with. This is the change I never would have imagined that could occur to me. Thanks to these people who have welcomed me and taught me how things work in an unfamiliar spot. Thanks, too, for the growth they have helped develop in me.

Nevertheless, there is still a part of me that is supposed to think that anytime, change is about to come. Someone might be leaving soon, to carry on with life. There’s nothing more we can do but to respect it. Consequently, being left behind is one of the most arduous things to beat. When that time comes, a lot of things will be modified. We would not know if we’d still be able to have that sweet disposition that we have now.

I hate to admit, that I might be getting back to the life where I put up my guards believing that it’s the best thing to do. I don’t want to take hold to the thought that what we had weren’t even friendship, but rather, a working relationship. If so, this leads me to fess up that proving what bright minds think is the one thing I can’t do because maybe, just maybe…they are right after all. Therefore, I realized that indeed, it does take forever to entrench a relationship worthy to be called “FRIENDSHIP” before I would choose to totally abandon the walls around me.

P.S.

MJ MIAGAN: tani ma igo ka man!!!!

Disclaimer: I do not own the photo. Credits to the owner.

-AzziR-

A Slice of Life

Growth may be a thing we all want to happen in our lives. It could either be professional or personal growth…Either way, we fight hard to achieve it.

Growing up is concomitant to strife. There are certain things that we have to leave behind. Things that are important to us and things that we think we could never live without. We have to let go of our friends, colleagues, and mentors. For this is the only way to prove and measure how much we have grown.

There is nothing else we can do but to taste every slice of life. There may be figures we would try so we could come up with a solution where no one gets hurt. Only that, the world wouldn’t work out for us that way just because we want it to. Therefore, we have to go separately to give each other room for growth.

We could only be thankful for the people who have been a part of our lives; I believe that is the most gratifying thing to do. Every failure, every success, we owe it all to them. I know it hurts to think that things will never be the same without them, but we should not wail, for God has His own way to make us meet again.

*Thank you so much for the friendship! I am so blessed to be a part of every venture we have gone through. You have taught me well to be a better person. I really can’t thank you enough! I will still see you guys around! =)*

Disclaimer: I do not own the photo. Credits to the owner.

-AzziR-

Drawing the Line

I always believed that there are people greater and lesser than we are. That is why we have to remind ourselves to either humble down, or help out. Yet, there are certain instances that we tend to respond inversely, especially when we seemed to be greater...We become opportunistic, we brag, we dominate, and furthermore, we take advantage.

In the kind of work that I am engaged in, I have often witnessed solid examples of what I have mentioned above. It irritates me every time I spot certain kinds of action. We are in a profession where lives are in huge jeopardy and there is no room for personal regard. We have been given the chance to serve; I reckon we stick to the main purpose why God chose us to be here.

There are people who seek medical attention through us because they believe that there's no one else to come to, considering they don’t get more of life’s favor. They should be given what they need and should be treated justly. They’ve been through series of mishaps; therefore, they are the ones that should be given comfort and I think it's just about right to advocate ourselves to them guilelessly.

I just don’t understand why there are those who can’t respond rightfully to their calling. Instead, belonging to this turf leads them to something unpleasant—they become selfish and ignorant. I don’t think I can respect a person who does that. Earning something at others’ expense is something I cannot swallow. These people are already at their weakest, so why have the nerve to still cheat on them? Being blessed to not experience their plight is reason enough to not deceive others.

Maybe each of us should know how to draw the line. The line that helps us identify whether we are doing what is right and what is not. It’s not an easy thing to do, but we can. We just have to bear in mind that at the end of the day, we get to have a good night sleep because we have wronged no one and stepped at no one. I just hope that everybody could say the same thing to themselves, because I can.

Disclaimer: I do not own the photo. Credits to the owner.

-AzziR-

Life Truly Blessed

I have been working voluntarily for at least 2 years now and you bet, I have seen a lot of life's faces. I have seen the worse, and the best of life and yes, I charge them all to my experience.

My daily routine is based on helping other people, those that I couldn't even count as my relatives but I consider my family. I just can't bear ignoring them, when in reality, if they were on a brighter side of life, they wouldn't need any.

Sometimes, I feel exhausted, too. I wouldn't deny that because I also complain. I can't help asking myself why I keep doing this when in fact, I don't get anything in return. However, I feel so blessed, that everyday, I am reminded that the misfortune I experience are 99% less compared to what they have.

I don't mind waking up very early, going home very late, and even stay awake until morning. This is the one thing I wouldn't trade for anything. But sometimes, we have to let go of the things that we love to witness more of God's plans for us.

I will be leaving this job soon. If I have the authority to decide, I wouldn't have accepted the new job. But I also have to think of my family. They might be needing my help, too, and I want to offer them that. I will just bear in mind that this is just temporary, and that I will be returning again, soon.

Not everybody gets to save lives, and that is why I feel that I am lucky to be one of those genuine people who can. This is my choice, my destiny...and I would not think twice of inspiring other people so that in their own unique and special way, can save lives too. And when time comes that everybody thinks good for everybody, the world will be a better place and that our lives belonged to the dazzling side of history.

Disclaimer: I do not own the photo. Credits to the owner. 

-Azzir

Grace Under Pressure

I have often admired people who stay cool-headed in spite of a toxic duty and burdensome significant others and patients. I work in an institution where everyday is a crisis and every minute is crucial, therefore, it's really hard to find one...But, there are those who manage to stay calm and can deal with every situation gracefully. This kind of attitude reflects how disciplined a person can be that he can extend his patience toward problems that continuously arise. If you do have this kind of quality, well, my compliment goes out to you.

I am still in the process of working this out. This is one of the good qualities I would want to possess. Some of my friends would actually say that I am close to having it, but then again, I have flaws and I still give in to provoking situations.

I guess I can only say that I already have it when, even if I'm flooded with perplexed cases and responsibilities, I can function and think well...that I don't get to yell at whoever gets in the way of achieving it...and most especially, when worst case scenarios take place, it will be a great achievement to find myself smiling! =)


Disclaimer: I do not own the photo. Credits to the owner.  

Wrong Timing

At some point, I have to stop doing this to her because she doesn't deserve this. I don't hate her when she refused talking to me because she said she weren't ready. I was okay with that. But what I didn't like, was when she called and said things that weren't so pleasing. I had to place my phone away from me, for I can't handle what she has been saying. It was a good thing I did it though, because if I didn't, the damage would have been bigger and even more difficult to repair.

I know it wasn't a good timing. I just hoped she had it controlled. I ignored her phone call twice, answered the third. She should have realized that it wasn't a good time to talk the second time her call was ignored. I just wished she didn't take it on me. Now, a lot of things had been said...things that are hurtful and are hard to take back. I was hurt, really hurt that night, that I settled not talking to her again.

Few days later, I've struggled to move on and get over with it. However, I find it hard to avoid being obnoxious about everything. Hate has taken all over me. How could someone you consider "friend" do that to you?

A few more days later, I guess I'm totally over it...or at least I'd like to believe that I am. I am ready to face her again, but still, I don't know how to react as natural and tranquil as I can. Unfortunately, I reacted oppositely. I still can't talk to her. I believe then, I'm not ready yet. And so I avoid. I keep avoiding and it keeps getting worse.

Later did I realize that I'm irrational. It's not fair to take it on her, too, because she also has her own share of heartaches. From then on, I knew I had to let go of my anguish.

It's not at all times that people get to have another chance. The day I realized that I've been acting rudely, was also the day she reached out to me again. I felt so relieved. I'm not ready to talk to her, though, but I swear, I have forgiven her.

I am still scared to take the step. I might not be in the right time and place again. Sometimes, I could just think of not doing anything at all...but when I think about the things that she did for me, I know everything will be worth it. Maybe now, I'm ready. I just don't know where to start.

I have seen her effort of talking to me. I am now convinced that she did not mean what she said that night. So I'm raising my white flag and letting my guards down. I just don't want to get to the point of her, being tired of reaching out. I also don't like what I've become out of this--mean and bitter. I'm tired, too. Tired of battling off my pride when I know that if I let go of it, things will be a lot better and serene.

I am still here for her. As a friend, as a sister. I will try talking to her again. And if she ignores me, I will wait and I will still try. Until she decides to look back and would realize that I wasn't gone, at all. I just took the time off to avoid another "wrong timing," where, in the first place, everything started.

-AzziR-

Such Great Heights

During our nocturnal duty, a very good friend borrowed my phone and browsed for songs that I have uploaded in my playlist. She then found songs that are in favor to her interest and sent some of it to her phone through bluetooth. At first, I was cool with it, until I heard her phone playing one of my favorite songs or i'd rather call my "security blanket." I was surprised to be hearing that song assuming that it was one of the songs that she sent to her phone. I felt so anxious upon hearing it and reacted so irrationally. I then asked her to remove it from her phone because I practically feel that she'd taken my security blanket away from me. Would you believe that? I've been trying to develop this kind of disorder. I don't know if it's really a disorder, but I'm pretty sure that it's not normal. We'll for the benefit of the one reading this, here is the song. I hope you wont like it, because I don't want others listening to it. Now I know you find it so weird! =)

-AzziR-

new in town

now blogging!