Wrong Timing

At some point, I have to stop doing this to her because she doesn't deserve this. I don't hate her when she refused talking to me because she said she weren't ready. I was okay with that. But what I didn't like, was when she called and said things that weren't so pleasing. I had to place my phone away from me, for I can't handle what she has been saying. It was a good thing I did it though, because if I didn't, the damage would have been bigger and even more difficult to repair.

I know it wasn't a good timing. I just hoped she had it controlled. I ignored her phone call twice, answered the third. She should have realized that it wasn't a good time to talk the second time her call was ignored. I just wished she didn't take it on me. Now, a lot of things had been said...things that are hurtful and are hard to take back. I was hurt, really hurt that night, that I settled not talking to her again.

Few days later, I've struggled to move on and get over with it. However, I find it hard to avoid being obnoxious about everything. Hate has taken all over me. How could someone you consider "friend" do that to you?

A few more days later, I guess I'm totally over it...or at least I'd like to believe that I am. I am ready to face her again, but still, I don't know how to react as natural and tranquil as I can. Unfortunately, I reacted oppositely. I still can't talk to her. I believe then, I'm not ready yet. And so I avoid. I keep avoiding and it keeps getting worse.

Later did I realize that I'm irrational. It's not fair to take it on her, too, because she also has her own share of heartaches. From then on, I knew I had to let go of my anguish.

It's not at all times that people get to have another chance. The day I realized that I've been acting rudely, was also the day she reached out to me again. I felt so relieved. I'm not ready to talk to her, though, but I swear, I have forgiven her.

I am still scared to take the step. I might not be in the right time and place again. Sometimes, I could just think of not doing anything at all...but when I think about the things that she did for me, I know everything will be worth it. Maybe now, I'm ready. I just don't know where to start.

I have seen her effort of talking to me. I am now convinced that she did not mean what she said that night. So I'm raising my white flag and letting my guards down. I just don't want to get to the point of her, being tired of reaching out. I also don't like what I've become out of this--mean and bitter. I'm tired, too. Tired of battling off my pride when I know that if I let go of it, things will be a lot better and serene.

I am still here for her. As a friend, as a sister. I will try talking to her again. And if she ignores me, I will wait and I will still try. Until she decides to look back and would realize that I wasn't gone, at all. I just took the time off to avoid another "wrong timing," where, in the first place, everything started.

-AzziR-