Life Truly Blessed

I have been working voluntarily for at least 2 years now and you bet, I have seen a lot of life's faces. I have seen the worse, and the best of life and yes, I charge them all to my experience.

My daily routine is based on helping other people, those that I couldn't even count as my relatives but I consider my family. I just can't bear ignoring them, when in reality, if they were on a brighter side of life, they wouldn't need any.

Sometimes, I feel exhausted, too. I wouldn't deny that because I also complain. I can't help asking myself why I keep doing this when in fact, I don't get anything in return. However, I feel so blessed, that everyday, I am reminded that the misfortune I experience are 99% less compared to what they have.

I don't mind waking up very early, going home very late, and even stay awake until morning. This is the one thing I wouldn't trade for anything. But sometimes, we have to let go of the things that we love to witness more of God's plans for us.

I will be leaving this job soon. If I have the authority to decide, I wouldn't have accepted the new job. But I also have to think of my family. They might be needing my help, too, and I want to offer them that. I will just bear in mind that this is just temporary, and that I will be returning again, soon.

Not everybody gets to save lives, and that is why I feel that I am lucky to be one of those genuine people who can. This is my choice, my destiny...and I would not think twice of inspiring other people so that in their own unique and special way, can save lives too. And when time comes that everybody thinks good for everybody, the world will be a better place and that our lives belonged to the dazzling side of history.

Disclaimer: I do not own the photo. Credits to the owner. 

-Azzir

Grace Under Pressure

I have often admired people who stay cool-headed in spite of a toxic duty and burdensome significant others and patients. I work in an institution where everyday is a crisis and every minute is crucial, therefore, it's really hard to find one...But, there are those who manage to stay calm and can deal with every situation gracefully. This kind of attitude reflects how disciplined a person can be that he can extend his patience toward problems that continuously arise. If you do have this kind of quality, well, my compliment goes out to you.

I am still in the process of working this out. This is one of the good qualities I would want to possess. Some of my friends would actually say that I am close to having it, but then again, I have flaws and I still give in to provoking situations.

I guess I can only say that I already have it when, even if I'm flooded with perplexed cases and responsibilities, I can function and think well...that I don't get to yell at whoever gets in the way of achieving it...and most especially, when worst case scenarios take place, it will be a great achievement to find myself smiling! =)


Disclaimer: I do not own the photo. Credits to the owner.  

Wrong Timing

At some point, I have to stop doing this to her because she doesn't deserve this. I don't hate her when she refused talking to me because she said she weren't ready. I was okay with that. But what I didn't like, was when she called and said things that weren't so pleasing. I had to place my phone away from me, for I can't handle what she has been saying. It was a good thing I did it though, because if I didn't, the damage would have been bigger and even more difficult to repair.

I know it wasn't a good timing. I just hoped she had it controlled. I ignored her phone call twice, answered the third. She should have realized that it wasn't a good time to talk the second time her call was ignored. I just wished she didn't take it on me. Now, a lot of things had been said...things that are hurtful and are hard to take back. I was hurt, really hurt that night, that I settled not talking to her again.

Few days later, I've struggled to move on and get over with it. However, I find it hard to avoid being obnoxious about everything. Hate has taken all over me. How could someone you consider "friend" do that to you?

A few more days later, I guess I'm totally over it...or at least I'd like to believe that I am. I am ready to face her again, but still, I don't know how to react as natural and tranquil as I can. Unfortunately, I reacted oppositely. I still can't talk to her. I believe then, I'm not ready yet. And so I avoid. I keep avoiding and it keeps getting worse.

Later did I realize that I'm irrational. It's not fair to take it on her, too, because she also has her own share of heartaches. From then on, I knew I had to let go of my anguish.

It's not at all times that people get to have another chance. The day I realized that I've been acting rudely, was also the day she reached out to me again. I felt so relieved. I'm not ready to talk to her, though, but I swear, I have forgiven her.

I am still scared to take the step. I might not be in the right time and place again. Sometimes, I could just think of not doing anything at all...but when I think about the things that she did for me, I know everything will be worth it. Maybe now, I'm ready. I just don't know where to start.

I have seen her effort of talking to me. I am now convinced that she did not mean what she said that night. So I'm raising my white flag and letting my guards down. I just don't want to get to the point of her, being tired of reaching out. I also don't like what I've become out of this--mean and bitter. I'm tired, too. Tired of battling off my pride when I know that if I let go of it, things will be a lot better and serene.

I am still here for her. As a friend, as a sister. I will try talking to her again. And if she ignores me, I will wait and I will still try. Until she decides to look back and would realize that I wasn't gone, at all. I just took the time off to avoid another "wrong timing," where, in the first place, everything started.

-AzziR-

Such Great Heights

During our nocturnal duty, a very good friend borrowed my phone and browsed for songs that I have uploaded in my playlist. She then found songs that are in favor to her interest and sent some of it to her phone through bluetooth. At first, I was cool with it, until I heard her phone playing one of my favorite songs or i'd rather call my "security blanket." I was surprised to be hearing that song assuming that it was one of the songs that she sent to her phone. I felt so anxious upon hearing it and reacted so irrationally. I then asked her to remove it from her phone because I practically feel that she'd taken my security blanket away from me. Would you believe that? I've been trying to develop this kind of disorder. I don't know if it's really a disorder, but I'm pretty sure that it's not normal. We'll for the benefit of the one reading this, here is the song. I hope you wont like it, because I don't want others listening to it. Now I know you find it so weird! =)

-AzziR-

new in town

now blogging!